I will never hear the ENDO of it

Some of you may know that I was diagnosed with Endometriosis about 5 years ago at the age of 26 and before the diagnosis, I was in and out of hospital with many different gynaecological problems.

We all feel that having an appointment with the doctor or a nurse which involves anything to do with taking off clothes situated below the waist is highly embarrassing.

Let’s face it, a stranger is down there, shifting through those private parts like they’re looking for a gas meter reading.

Some of my appointments were last minute or rushing into A&E.

I used to dread stripping off behind that thin green curtain, slipping off my leggings, realising I hadn’t shaved my legs OR tamed the jungle that was escaping out the side of my panties like spiders legs.

While mouthing the work ‘bugger’, I cringed at my lack of grooming and waddled to the very questionable bed and wait for the nurse.

She had the table of instruments next to her that make my cervix cry in fear.

Then she pulled the lamp closer to my inner thighs.

‘What do you need that for? Are you looking to go on safari? I can assure you, in this scenario, the water hole has dried up and the buffaloes are hiding in the creases of my flab.’

She then asked me to move my bum down the bed so it’s sitting on the edge…really? I already feel like I’m close enough to your face as it is and you want me closer?

As my bum shuffled down the bed, so did the flimsy paper towel, used as a sheet.

I slipped, ripping the paper, leaving my bum flesh exposed to the leather bed. The contact of the leather and skin created a large fart sound that I immediately giggled away saying ‘that was the bed, not Pumba’.

However, holding all the weight of my body on the edge of the damn bed, using my bum as an airbag, only made me tense up and need to fart for real.

It is quite an odd feeling, laying there, legs open, thinking of England, nurse wading through the night garden and talking to you like you’re in sitting in a wine bar.

I made every conscious effort not to look at what instruments were falling victim to the black hole.

The nurse was fiddling around in there like she was in a tool shed.

The lube was out, gloves on and then I hear the words, ‘relax your lower back’.

Very hard to relax when my legs are in stirrups and the top of my ass has flopped over the bed like my boobs at the end of the day when I take off my bra!

All you can do in that situation, while she uses what ever instrument that was to scrape the inside of my cervix, is think of the yummiest chocolaty cake ever.

Once she was done, she passed me some tissues, turned away and told me I could get dressed again…honestly…I felt cheap!

I then walked out feeling like I had just given birth to an ostrich egg.

I think the entire NHS staff across the south east know me by my first name by now.

I have had many hospital and doctor appointments over the years, so now I am used to it. But I can understand how it may seem scary for others.

Now for the serious bit:

Going for any form of medical exam is nothing to be embarrassed about.

I know this subject is very uncomfortable for some women and I don’t ever mean any offence through my blogs; I am only speak from experience that relates to me and my sex.

I have seen a lot of powerful messages over the socials and in general marketing for young girls to have their smear tests. The story of Jade Goody is making its way around the internet again…

And yet, there are still a lot of young women out there who won’t go for a routine examination.

You are in safe hands and always allowed to take someone with you.

Feeling embarrassed is natural.

Although, I can understand that there may be other reasons why others emotionally can’t do it.

Female genitalia is very complex and while it can make you feel like the sexiest beast on earth, it can also make you feel like you want to rip your stomach open and spew out the insides on every person who looks at you.

Because it is so complex, we must put our trust in professionals when something feels wrong. But we must also trust in them for general check-ups.

Something doesn’t have to feel wrong for there to be something wrong.

You can request a female nurse…but all nurses have seen hundreds of muffs, they are there for your HEALTH, not to enter you in the Chelsea flower show!

There could be few points to the examination that some find less attractive:

The embarrassment
The pain
The results
The inconvenience

The ‘pain’, though it be uncomfortable and seem unnatural, will NOT leave you feeling like Freddie visited you in your sleep! It is less than 5 minutes and just a small scratch.

Remember, getting your smear test letter is just routine. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong but most symptoms are invisible.

There is always someone there to talk to you

The letter will give you the chance to book the appointment for when is convenient for you, but sometimes that isn’t possible.

Never forget that looking after your body is more important than any job, don’t feel guilty for booking time off.

I hope my experience has made you feel at ease, through humour - for me, it the best way to get my point across.

Wiggles & Giggles x